You grow up the day when....

1.The day cooties became STDs

2.The day Halloween was no longer an excuse to dress up like a cute princess and eat candy, but an excuse to be a skanky dom and take shots.

Oh how things change.

3.The day eating a popsicle was no longer an innocent and delicious snack, but was compared to giving a blow job amidst juvenile snickers.

4. The day everything you ever say about anything has a sexual connotation. For example, I was watching the show "The Office", which is amazing, and Jim had put Dwight’s stapler in Jello. Michael Scott said that he had to eat it out. I love all things Jello-related, and I have a fantasy that one day I will get to experiment with a giant pool of red jello. My question is: what would happen to someone who fell onto it? Would you go through, bounce, sink, stay in limbo??? Anyways, I responded to “you have to eat it out,” with-“ that’s my policy in life.” That was considered very very sexual. Of course. Goddamit.

5. The day "Romeo and Juliet" was no longer a classic love story of “two star-crossed lovers,” but instead you think: thank God they died when they did, because if they had stayed together, a week later Juliet would sit up after sex and say “what now?” Fucking dumbasses don’t know the first thing about each other except “she’s pretty I think I’m love with her I think she’s my soulmate.” Right. Because love at first sight is real. ATTENTION NAÏVE DUMBASSES: LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS A MYTH PUT OUT BY PLAYS LIKE THIS. There is only lust at first sight. It is impossible to love someone without knowing anything about who they are except “pretty.” So, yeah, one week later, Romeo and Juliet would be saying “Well, fuck.” Pretty much up shit creek.
“Well-we have one thing in common- Want to talk about the ancient feud, or should we search for a new topic? You’re twelve, so….awkward, yeah….thank God we died in the end.”

Nordicbitch