Not So Ferrety-licious

Just a quick update: I guess I got my wish... sort of. The ferret DIED. And not just died died, it fucking DIED. My suitemate was letting him roll around in his little ferret excercise ball, ON THE BALCONY. ON THE EIGHTH FLOOR. And uhh... turns out ferrets like to fly. We found him a few minutes later... deceased. Entrails everywhere. Just kidding, just his eyeballs popped out. Just kidding about that too. Sooo that's fuuun.

Lalala,
Texass

Ferrety-licious

My suitemates got a ferret. O-fucking-K. We warned them that the rodents end up smelling like the rotting cooch of Paris Hilton (ooh, too easy) but they went ahead and bought it. Let me tell you a few interesting tidbits I've learned about the ferret kind:

1. Ferrets have no bones. How else do you explain the freakish wiggling he does to get away from me?

2. Ferrets dislike extremely attractive, intelligent, graceful girls with a hilarious sense of humor. (i.e., me).

3. Ferrets are kind of gay. This one (who I affectionately named Freddie Mercury) likes shiny jewelery, burrowing into fabulous shoes, and his sparkly pink play ball.

4. Ferrets will shit on ANYTHING. Like my roommate's dishes.

5. Ferrets like to stick their heads near cave-like places. Even if it's your cleavage. Or your crotch.

I still think he's kinda cute, even if he is a little shitter and I feel like I have to wash my hands after every time I pet him.



Toodles, Texass

Full House: memorias

When I was a child, Full House was one of my favorite television shows. Then the other day I thought back to Full House, and realized how fucking weird that show really is. Think about it: we have a family of four- a man and his three daughters, and then we have the equivalent of two male squatters living in the basement and the attic, neither of which really have jobs, but just struggle along trying to eek out a living on their “talents”-Joey’s being that he can make goofy voices. I swear, every time I had to hear him do his Mr. Squirrel or whoever the hell voice, followed by canned laughter, I cried in my soul.

Then there’s Jesse, the brother of Danny’s dead wife, who whiles away his time in fantasy land still believing he can make it as a singer. I loved his band. They would always sing other bands’ songs, which made me laugh. That always bodes poorly for a band when they still can’t get it together to write a few lyrics for themselves after years of being together. And then I love when he marries Rebecca, Danny’s coworker, and they continue to live in the attic, even though she has a good job, in fact, the same job as Danny and could therefore afford a house just as nice as his. Children follow, which makes it even more fabulous. Family of four in the attic, basically all living in the same room, family of four in the main house, with everyone in their own bedroom, and then the creepy lone male in the basement. Now that’s a show.

I think the thing I loved best about the show is that it’s reliable. You can always count on the sappy music 9/10th of the way through, followed by one of Danny’s hugs. As regular as (pooping? My complaining? Ovaltine? These are just springing forth from some collective unconscious. I don’t even know).
But to conclude, where are they now? I heard Stephanie’s police officer husband didn’t know she was doing hard core drugs. Don’t think that would have been as easy to pull off in a house of nine, otherwise known as… a FULL HOUSE! Ba dum dum.

Nordicbitch

Persons Who Are Aware Of My Indiscretions

• Campus Police
• My Indiana Jones poster
• The surveillance camera in the south parking lot
• The woman cleaning the bathroom at Taco Cabana at 2:30 in the morning
• Jesus

And now, a gratuitous picture to jazz this shit up:

Weeeee!,
Texass

The Heebie-Jeebies

There are certain places that evoke a feeling for me that I like to term the Heebie- Jeebies. Whenever I enter one of these places, I immediately get a creepy, uneasy feeling. That feeling is soon replaced by a desire to bolt.You can always tell if a place creeps me out because soon after arrival, I start to make little squeaky noises that are part-whine, part-cry. I know I feel it on greater extremes than most people, but examine the following list and tell me if these places don’t creep you out. Just a little bit.

1. Menards. All those lamp-fans on the second floor are eery and strange. And at Christmas time they have this really scary tunnel filled with reject Christman globes and villages that really freaks me out.

2. K-MART. I don’t even have to say anything. I don’t.

3. DEB. Pre-teen/teen clothing store in the mall. It smells funny, and when you outgrow it, it provokes The Feeling whenever you look at it.


4. Burlington Coat Factory. It’s like a big scary warehouse that smells like moth-balls and everyone glares at you.

5. Kohl’s. I really think it’s the music that does it.

6. Mervyn’s. If you’ve looked for a bathroom in Mervyn’s, you probably will remember this place. There’s a café in Mervyn’s, which is always deserted, and there are displays of fake fruits and vegetables, and fake palm trees, and it’s always really dark, and there’s always tropical music playing which sounds really miserable and forlorn in there, and the bathrooms are often found through the café. It’s just the scariest place imaginable. Every time you walk through there you feel as if everyone was just wiped off the face of the earth and the happy music is still playing and you feel so scared and lonely and you just want to hold someone’s hand. If you’ve read Harry Potter, it’s kind of like walking into A LOT of dementors and they suck all of the happiness out of you.

7. Most Frank’s or other plant places. They feel funny.

8. Any off-season holiday store. It’s just so weird to see Santa Clauses and reindeer in July. It’s kind of depressing.

9. I realize I’m just a really elitist person, but sometimes Good Will. I think its the bridal gowns and stacks of shoes that does it.

To clarify, I don't really act like an elitist bitch with upturned nose in these stores. It's really more of an internal, uncomfortable feeling that can only be detected by a careful viewer. And making little sounds is just my nature.
And also, I really might just be a bitch.


Nordicbitch

The Eternal Question

There are many reasons I dislike some freshmen. One reason involves their lack of understanding of alcohol tolerance. The other reason involves a conversation I overheard in my psychology class today. A couple adorable little cherubs were arguing over whether "Cheetah" counted as a proper last name for everyone's favorite snack food campaign cartoon, "Chester Cheetah". Now of course this sounds just like something my friends and I would argue over, but there are two important differences: first, we would probably not be sober. Second, WE ARE NOT FRESHMEN. I was once a freshman too, and I wondered why we were treated with such disdain. Now I understand, and I will admit, I was one of those stupid freshmen. But I'm not anymore so back to le rant...

Freshy 1: Well maybe, like, his agent made him change it cuz it's like alliteration.
Freshy 2: Yeah like I guess the chip companies or whatever think it sounds cool.

I don't know, maybe he's a FUCKING CARTOON CHEETAH.

'Tis all,
Texass

Oh, really?

Follow-up to Texass's post of fictitious garbage:
What the fuck ever it is a simple question. Do you prefer the corporate rat pussy ass bitch look, or the look of a badass who is double-teaming the mafia? I choose the latter but some dumbasses go for clean cut.

Furthermore, it is extremely hard to not only act as, but become a character such as Howard Hughes. No amount of documents can get you into his psyche and Leonardo DiCaprio did an amazing job. A role like Clementine in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is much easier to prepare for, and act as, because it is judged against no standard, as you create the role, whereas DiCaprio was judged on how accurate his portrayal was.

Lastly, while I slam Romeo and Juliet on principle, don't tell me that if you were an actor, you wouldn't jump at the chance to recreate that role in a modern setting. Don't kid yourself.

In conclusion, you Texass are full of shit and I swear to Christ if you blaspheme DiCaprio's acting skills again there will be a rumble.

Nordicbitch

Suck on that bitch

Recent Arguments Between NordicBitch and Texass

Nordic: Who was hotter in The Departed... Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio?
Tex: Psh. Matt Damon, easy.
Nordic: Oh HELL no! Matt Damon was the bad guy! Leo was so sexy with the tattoos and all the vulnerability... mmmm...
Tex: Eww. Well you asked who was hotter, that implies that it's only on physical appearance not personality. Besides, Leo was whiny looking the whole time.
Nordic: Yeah, you're right. Leonardo DiCaprio is a massive tool.

Nordic: It is more difficult to base your character in a movie off of a historical figure, like Leo DiCaprio in The Aviator.
Tex: No, I definately think it's more difficult to completely create a new character, like Kate Winslet as Clementine in Eternal Sunshine. Leo had documents and testimonies to form the identity of Howard Hughes. He had all the resources to get inside his head.
Nordic: Yeah, you're right. Leonardo DiCaprio is a no-talent ass clown.

Tex: Leonardo DiCaprio was a wussy in Romeo and Juliet, even if it was the character.
Nordic: Yeah, you're right. Leonardo DiCaprio is an emo little bitch.

Love,
Te... NordicBitch.